she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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