why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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