Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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