I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
