she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
