what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
