I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
