doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
