Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
