Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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