A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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