For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
