nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
