So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
