just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
