I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
