Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
