What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
