hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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