I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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