Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
