I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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