I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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