the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
