the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
