Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
