It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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