I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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