so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
