does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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