i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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