I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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