third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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