I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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