I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
