I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
