I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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