The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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