from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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