My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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