I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
