Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
