So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
