new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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