Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
