His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
