so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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