you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
