I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
