I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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