I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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