im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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