a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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