I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
