It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
