My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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