it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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