I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's great music for shaving your balls
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
