hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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