Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We are all done wearing pants today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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