my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
