so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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