So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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