butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
