At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that's an acceptable place to lick
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
