I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
