At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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