my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
