I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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