I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My cat gives me a boner
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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