i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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