from now on my penis is your penis
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think people are normalizing furries
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
