i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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