im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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