Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
