Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
