Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
