he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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