But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
