So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
