I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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