so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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